National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day

I am one in four. Did you know that 1 in 4 women experience a miscarriage? It’s a taboo topic, but today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day and I feel compelled to write about it. Most people don’t talk about it. It was extremely hard for me to talk about it, let alone write about it. But I know I am not alone. Many of my friends and relatives have experienced a miscarriage, some multiple ones. A few people I know even had babies born sleeping. I cannot imagine.

 My miscarriage occurred on March 2, 2009 at 10.5 weeks. It was the worst day of my life. I remember everything about that day, down to what I was wearing and the exact words the doctor said. I remember thinking I would never feel whole again. And I remember the extreme depression and anger that came in the months afterwards.

Now years later and after the birth of Olivia it still brings me to tears. My miscarriage represents one of the darkest and most pivotal moments in my life. But I also see the “good” in that experience. I looked at pregnancy in a different way after March 2, 2009. How many times in my journey to become pregnant did I beg God to please let me see two blue lines. I “bargained” with God, telling Him I would take every single awful pregnancy symptom possible, just let me be pregnant. And sure enough I did get pregnant in July 2009 and had a challenging pregnancy. But instead of the woe as me attitude I stayed grateful. Those symptoms meant a healthy pregnancy. I could handle vomiting and bed rest easily as long as my baby was okay. Those sleepless nights once Olivia arrived- It took on a new perspective when you think about all those women who would give ANYTHING for sleepless nights just to be able to hold a child in their arms. Who cares if you no longer have time to shower or you will never be able to wear a bikini again. You were given something so much greater. It doesn’t mean I don’t get frustrated or long for “me” time but having a miscarriage does make me keep things in perspectives. I am forever changed being 1 in 4.

My prayers every night are for all of those who long to be parents, those who are pregnant after miscarriage and are terrified to embrace this pregnancy for fear of another loss, and for comfort and peace for all of those who have angel babies.